So you may be wondering, how did I get interested in art? I would tell you, “good question. Here’s my story.”
April of 2012, [my husband] Bob and I had lost hope. He didn’t get into the BYU animation program like he thought he would and he felt defeated with art. He thought he wanted to go into computer science instead to bypass the challenge of getting into animation… . I was struggling with postpartum depression, once again, and feeling as if my life was devoid of happiness. I was struggling. I was lost. I did not know what to do with my life. I felt trapped. Trapped in expectations. Trapped in the confinement in who I was becoming. I saw only two options for my future, embrace my life as it was or run away. I found both to be impossible for me to do. I desperately sought a third option.
Life continued on and to pass the time I spent at home with our girls I watched the Lord of the Rings appendices. During the appendices I saw artists create what they imagined for the film, then the idea came, “I want to do that. I will do that.” I had found my third option! The rays of light and happiness began to seep back into my life. I began my own study online with free drawing classes. That is where I completed my first self portrait. It was quite an accomplishment and I was so proud of myself for doing it.
Bob began to be motivated to continue with art after I decided that I wanted to learn how to create art. He never pushed me into anything. He is always supportive and loving, but never pushy. He would only encourage. I decided that in order to continue with art, I wanted to know how to do it right. That is when I decided that I wanted to go to school and focus on art. I was petrified to begin art. I had no previous experience. I had no real reason or motivation to do it besides the fact that I wanted to, but that was enough for me.
(This is my 6th grade art project. I had a friend (Melissa) do the arms/hands of Sauron since I was too intimidated to do it.)
School got me going and taught me basics and gave me projects, but the real education has been on my own. I have learned more from working on projects that I want and having Bob mentor me more than any in-class assignment. I have progressed more fully due to having Bob to teach me than from anyone. I have no raw talent. I have no innate artist reaching out of me. I only have me. I have fear. I have failures and that is how I learn the most.
Now, I am not someone to share personal information or be overly emotional, but I feel as if this story needs to be told. My tears flow as I reminisce of this change in my life. I am a changed woman. Instead of darkness, my soul is filled with ambition and light. Because of this, I want you to know that you can start from nothing and become something. You need to know that if you feel trapped – there is release. It most likely won’t be art, but it is something out there. Cast away your fear and chase it. It will be worth it, oh so worth it.
I encourage you to pursue whatever it is that you desire.
Even if Especially if you have no talent. Even if there is no concrete reason why – do it. Push the fear aside and emerge victorious after hours, tears, sweat, pain, and learning. Don’t give up.
Do you want to know why I chose this photo for my self portrait? It is a reference photo for a large project that I am planning. It is going to be a three part painting illustrating depression, seeking the light, then soaring with the wings the Lord provides for us to escape the darkness. Thus, it represents no longer living in darkness, but looking to the light and moving forward.
That is what I did and I feel ever so blessed. I truly believe that I would have been consumed by depression, fear, inadequacy, sadness, and all darkness if I did not pursue art. It gives me hope. It is an answer to prayer. I know the Lord has directed my life to find this path. Because of this, my life was saved by art. I can now say that more than ever before, I am closer to Bob. I am closer to my girls, and I am closer to my Heavenly Father. He continues to lead, guide, and mold me to become an artist, mother, and the woman I need to be. This gives me life.
Fight for real living and find those things that breathe new life into you. No matter what hardships come, I promise you – you will never regret it.